miércoles, 20 de marzo de 2013

EU = equality? Probably, but not in the UK



We all know UK is famous for its strict rules and generous social laws. We also know its universities are one of the world’s most expen.. ehm, top universities. So it’s sort of clear why so many Bulgarian and Rumanian students leave for the UK in search of better education. Some of these people are eager to receive their diplomas out there and then come back to Bulgaria/Rumania and create their own business. Others crave for the highest positions in international enterprises… What unites them, apart of the maternal language they all share, is the foreboding destiny that is lurking over them in the UK.
Imagine you were a young man who decides to study abroad. You write essays, prepare documents, take credits (for it’s impossible for your parents to pay the tuition fees themselves) and - finally! – you leave! You are enthusiastically naïve that everything will go well – yes, you’re well aware there’ll be some tough moments when you’ll have to work like a horse and sleep for 3-4 hours a day, but you also think this will be something temporary and later on, like after the first few months, you’ll find your rhythm, you’ll make new friends with cool and intelligent multicultural people, you’ll practice your English… and, stupidly enough, you believe you’ll be able to find a job. Ok, you’re realistic, you know it won’t be the world’s best job ever, but still for a person that knows four foreign languages and has an impressive CV regarding experience and activities, you’re rather optimistic.
Halas… Reality bites… You turn out to be in a hostile place where it seems that no one cares of you. What’s more, they’re even trying to make your situation even worse. You don’t believe me? Well, here’s the story of Ivan, a Bulgarian student in UK.
“I had a gap year working in Sofia for a foreign agency and I was getting a decent salary. Ok, decent will be too modest, I was 19 and I was feeling at the top of the world – young, gaining my own life and even being able to save a lot for my studies. The next year I was accepted in the X university in London. I was the happiest person ever! I got a loan and I left. All in all, that was when all happy moments finished. Indeed, I was pleased by the scholar system the British have – less theoretic  and really free to follow. However I had that little problem – I couldn’t work. Let me explain: for a foreigner to work he should have a special permission. To obtain it, he should send his ID cart, the original, to the office (something preoccupating up to here?). In my case I didn’t have any passport, and you should know British seldom accept other document of legitimation. So I waited for three months – I had to assist my classes while my whole being was tortured by the thought of my diminishing finances. Then I got enough. I wrote a letter of complaint and surprisingly fast I received an answer from the represent of my municipality of London and latter on from the very Minister of the Immigrants.  I was baffled – my complaint had been heart, for the first time in my life I saw a working bureaucracy!
Anyway, my good mood was rapidly extinguished – I couldn’t find even the most miserable job! Me, the one who had worked in a foreign agency at the age of 19 for a huge salary was now forced to pray for the post of a guardian in the madhouse!
By that time I was really depressed. I was experiencing the roughest discrimination ever… Yes, I was young, eager, well educated, intelligent and I couldn’t find a job for I was a foreigner…
I came home in Bulgaria. I didn’t have money so I thought I should make another gap year and work. However, out of a sudden, a vacant position at the university appeared. I was accepted (without even being interviewed) at the post of IT assistant – the polite way of saying “the one that changes the tonners and fixes the PCs”…
I was lucky. It was not a hug job, but at least it gave me some money to continue my studies. I had to work four days out of seven and I was having classes some other two days. At the end I had two mere days to do my homework and study, to arrange my room and to have some sleep. You understand it was sort of impossible…
My story had a happy end. After fighting with the bank’s manager who denied me a free student's account in the bank just because I was foreigner and I had an ID and not a passport (believe me, I went mad explaining for a hundred time that the ID is a valid document of identity… Still, in the end, I got the account while some of my friends didn’t… If not, I should pay 10 pounds per month for a non-student account. And 10 pounds equaled to my food for four days…) and leaving on the verge of the misery, I got a job at Cartoon Network…
By the way I should mention the fact that I was feeling so much elder than my colleagues at the university. Being local people, they knew nothing about fighting for your life. Also they had a lot of extra funds autorised by the government – for materials and etc. I didn’t for I was a foreigner (it’s ok, I understand this and I don’t protest… Just mentioning the discrepancy between me and them and the fact they were preferred at the interviews for jobs)…
Now I’m back in Bulgaria and I have an ambitious plan for our national Art Design Studios…”
This is the UE. This is UK for the Easterns. There’s no official deny of students’ admission, for they all pay tuition fees, but the ambience make them leave in horror. Is it fair to stimulate such a policy of segregation (at the moment, on the eve of the elections, many people raise their voices against the small social donations that the foreigners have nowadays…). Also, should people be judged by their nationality rather than their abilities? I doubt it. All in all, the situation in the UK for Bulgarians and Rumanians stays fragile. Meanwhile many youngsters prepare to leave for the new 2013/2014 university year…

lunes, 18 de marzo de 2013

Oh, love...



-           - Go, go! Get in!
Mary banged the door of the wardrobe and nervously threw herself on the bed.  She closed her eyes and tried to take her breath. “It’s ok, everything will be fine…”, she was muttering while she was trying to suffocate the wave of adrenalin that had exploded into her veins.
That was him, she was sure. First of all she recognized the motor of his car – that old “Moskvich” that he treated like a living creature resounded into the neighborhood and provoked an aggressive expression of discontent among the pack of street dogs.  That was a sort of tradition – the motor was growing like a hungry wild animal, the dogs were raising and attacking the metal beast in their attempt to protect their territory and… Penka, the gossip neighbor, was shouting hysterically that he was a cruel man (she could have been right).
Clack! The door opened. Mary stayed still, horrified. Thudding.  Mary glanced the wardrobe, preoccupied. “Track!” – the door was closed and he called her name.
The very next moment the man rushed into her room and lifted her from the bed.
-          -  My god, I’m so happy to see you again, my love! I’ve been missing you so much! – he embraced her gently.
-           - Me too… - she moaned from within his iron hug. Her voice was rather hysterical, but he’d never pay attention to that; he was certain it was his return that was so emotional to her.
-           - You are so pail! Did you ever eat while I was away? Oh, god…
Mary faked a smile and tried to get away from his arms. Her tiny body thudded on the bed and for a second her eyes looked at the wardrobe. He was calm there, no sign of him until the very moment. If he could just stay still like that for only five minutes more… Just until he entered into the bathroom. Then she would be able to save him out of the house…
-           - Tell me now, how did the business trip went on? – she asked in a fakely cheerful voice.
-           - Oh, well… You know nothing special… - he answered. – That’s why I decided to get home earlier. I thought it was pointless to waste my time out there when my little princess was  staying home-alone, missing me. – he blinked at her and she smiled mischievously.
-           - You know what happened to Jack? – he went on, indignant. – He called his wife via skype to have a chat with her. However while she was smiling at him and telling him how much she was missing him, he detected a pair of jeans that did not belong to him on their bed along with the pants!
-          -  You don’t say!
-           - For god’s sake, it’s true. And that bloody creature, his wife, went mute, crying and muttering some stupid excuses. Jack went mad. Can you imagine what a situation that was?
Mary laughed out a little bit too loud than what she wanted. But of course she was imagining the situation, however the different context…
-           - Apart of this, everything went fine. – he concluded in a tired voice and sighed.
Puck!
-          -  Ah, that bloody bed! It’s creaking again! – Mary almost shouted hysterically.
-           - Oh, well… - he said absent-mindedly. -  I’ll fix it, don’t worry…
Creak!
-          -  Come on, stand up to take a look at it now…
Mary jumped on her feet as if she had been touched by an electric cable while he went down and thrusted himself under the bed. “Pras!”
-          -  Darling, are you ok? – he asked her and looked at her, worried.
Pras! Tras! Hras! Puck!
Tears were running down the face of the young woman. She dropped her eyes down guiltily and squalled in horror.
-           - Maria, what’s going on? – his voice was severe and calm.
Pras, hras, tras!! Those unpleasant noises were coming from the wardrobe. Mary was scared to death.
Confident, he stood up and went to the wardrobe.
-           - No, please! Please, don’t kill him! – Mary cried out in despair and threw herself over him in a fruitless attempt to stop him. – I love him, please!
Furious, he pushed her on the bed and opened the wardrobe. Mary was lying rolled in a ball, yelling and begging…
-           -  Dammit! – he shouted. – I’ll kill him!
-         -   Please don’t do that, I love him, daddy! Don’t kill him! – the face of the girl was covered with tears.
-          -  I’ll kill him! – he went on shouting in delirium and took him out of the wardrobe.
His eyes, unaccustomed to the daylight, were full of terror and were desperately looking for the ones of Mary. Squeezed by the iron hand of the father, he was unable to move and his cry had died into his throat, deafened.
-           - Dad, please. Leave him…
The man took a look at his daughter’s face. It seemed so innocently suffering. Then he moved on his look at the creature that was hanging on his hand. He hated it, detested it wholeheartedly! Yet again he loved his child… He closed his eyes and let it fall down.  
The very next moment the dog ran up to Mary and, scared, hugged into her arms. She embraced it and looked at her father unbelievingly.
-           - Make sure it won’t piss in my house! – he muttered and went out of the room.

martes, 19 de febrero de 2013

Sweet revogression



No, I won’t be objective. I’ll tell the facts the way I saw them, however I do reserve the right to express my emotions the way I happened to feel them.
So, it’s six o’clock and we are on one of the major streets in Sofia, an important juncture called Orlov most. There are not many people, for the protest still hasn’t started. However when the multitude starts moving towards the National Assembly, blocking the street I can see we are a massive bunch of youngsters and  elder people, all gathered by the same idea – to stop the policy of robbery of the electricity company.
Things go well. People shout and raise posters, national flags are everywhere. We are indeed very different, all of us. I can see some boys next to me insulting gypsies and other minorities. I don’t want to stay close to them, for I don’t support their point of view. The manifestation goes on, people shouting things like “Boiko Borisov is bugger” (the prime-minister of the country), “Demission!”.
We are now in front of the Assembly. I stay backwards, while some other people install themselves just in front of the gendarmerie. At first all reminds calm. Then again a bunch of idiots (and I say they are as they provoked the rage of the gendarmeries intentionally) starts insulting the policemen and throw stones at them and at the building. Prassss!  Glass is broken! Screams, the policemen go ahead! Run, run, run!!!
Fortunately they stop. They won’t risk leaving the assembly unprotected only to fight one idiot or another… Then again the prime-minister tries to escape from the back door. Furious, the mass tries to break through and get him. Pointless… He leaves and we are bound to go back to Orlov most.
Still excited by the experience, the people start shouting and fighting the innocent trolleybuses that stay still as we have blocked the street. In them, as in the cars, people stay emotionless. At the very moment I considered them cowards, but according to my mother later on, they were just scared and helpless, trapped in the entrails of the vehicles. May be she had a point, however there were some of them who expressed their support by playing the horn.
Back at Orlov most, it seems that the protest has finished.  Nothing like this…
Meanwhile, I have managed to find a friend of mine amongst the people. It can be dangerous to go alone on such an event – a lesson I learned perfectly well!
It is calm now, it seems that either it is all over, or there will be some excessions. I’d opt for the end… Nevertheless those sweet bunches of mindless cave-men have called their gentle, intelligent friends to join the party. There are new people now, it looks like from 1:3 ultras : ordinary people, now it was 1:5 ordinary people : ultras. Communists, Anarchists, Fascists and who knows what other Ists have crowed to the bridge of the Eagle.
The manifestation went down the street, direction NDK (National Palace of the Culture). The different ists were shouting things typical for their credos – “Bulgaria for the Bulgarians, away the Turks”, “Bulgarians are heroes” or “Demission, Boiko is a bugger”, the national anthem is being sung, as some other revolutional songs (that were written during the period of Turkish domination and sang during the wars of liberation).
Bravery?! Sorry, I can’t really see the boldness in hiding your face, while you are reversing the containers in the middle of the street, firing their content! Nor can I accept the destruction of the police cars and by no chance can I assimilate the aggression towards the shops on the street that you, mindless creatures decided to break. What were you trying to show? How frightening you are? Complicated bunch of immature schoolboys calling themselves Ists. Do you ever understand what you call yourselves? What you pretend you fight for? Do you, or it’s just about conformism and excess of aggression?! Stupid, aggressive kids, destroying without a thought, thoughtless, like a army of grasshoppers that destroys everything just because it happened to be in front of it. No idea in your actions…
Why did you have to break, to fire, to reverse? Why did you have to fight the gendarmes? I understand you are unsatisfied, but, people, THINK with those heads! They are not to be hidden, but used!
Halas! You went on destroying…
-          Ivane, are you OK? – I shouted to a friend, anarchist, when I saw him after I was speared from my friends due to the lockage of the policemen.
He just shrugged his shoulders and approached me. Then, out of a sudden, somebody threw a stone at a police car. It started to scream in pain. Then Ivan, like a wild panther throwed himself against the car with a stone and finished it’s crystal eyes. Then he went on, as if nothing had happened.
I was petrified by what he did. If I haven’t made it clear yet, I am totally against all this violent manners of expressing your opinion when there still are some other options…
Nevermind, we went on.  Blocking the streets and the public transport, we reached one of the primal streets that leads to the heart of the city. Policemen blocked our way ahead. We tried to regress, but they had blocked the other extreme, too. A trap.
I stayed as far as possible from the police. However, when they saw themselves in a trap, some of the extremely intelligent cave-people decided to storm the blockage.
Epic error. The police answered striking without thinking everyone they were seeing. Blood run out and covered the asphalt. I could barely hide myself in a yard at one of the closest streets. Tranquility once again.
I went out and met one of the people in my group. I ask him where the others were. He tried to explain me, showing me one street and we both went that way.
A new blockage. Our peaceful street was blocked and the police shouted us to stop. Then they rushed towards us. I run, but I very well understood it was pointless. There was nowhere I could hide.
Then I just stopped. I stopped and stayed still next to the wall of a house. A police officer looked at me, but didn’t stop. He went on after the ones who run.
Prass, hrass, tras!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blood! Screams!...
A women came to me and ask me for help for she couldn’t get out of the street. I leaded her towards the main street and we both caught a tram down the street where part of my friends were hiding.
I saw them waiting on the street. One of them, the one I were with at the small street was unable to walk. His head hurted and his leg was dislocated. He told me they were caught by the police on that street and striked mercilessly. One fascist had saved him, protecting him.
We went ahead. The street was ominously covered with bloodsteps. I was silent while my friends were chatting. After that, at 21.45 I caught the buss home.
I am… Pensative. Why did they had to destroy? Why did they had to swear at the police? Why did the police had to strike them? They are all the same, ordinary people. That they are on the other side of the river due to their profession doesn’t mean they are guilty. “Come on, you really think in the gendarmerie there are ordinary people? They have all relationship with an important people so to be part of it. They get big salaries, so don’t take pity on them.”. Probably they are. Still at home their wives and kids are waiting for them. They want to eat…
I don’t understand the aggression. I don’t see the constructive part of it. Is it an expressionistic approach of revolution or just vandalism? Whichever it might be for me that was useless, violent act of complicated youngsters who just need to express their anger using the opportunity… Let we protest, let we shout against the government or the politics, but not fight. Let us be judicious, reasonable people, we, the Homo Sapiens creatures…
Revolution? Of what? For what? Is it revolution or just… lacking of sense aggression?...

miércoles, 23 de enero de 2013

Fear



My arms with blood are cleared
Far beyond the angel’s snow
And no torment I would fear
As through Hell I used to crow.

Take a breath and look at me:
Can you feel my woulnds?
Can you bear or you’d flee,
With the darkness of the fair
Angel –

-          You call me, but do you see
What I am within? A bin
Full of gasoline. Would you dare
To burn it, to pretend you care?
Care you enough to dare be so tough
To step inside?

Collide! Away, a flight!
No, you can’t hide!
Forget, annihilate our filthy pride!
And step inside, no fight…

Can you feel me now?
Are you perceiving how
My thoughts resign,                            
They fade away
To never ever let me stay…

AND we decline,
Our love becomes a fine
Lair of our fake desire.

And we decline,
We die, we fear
And we fall,
 the trap is tall,
And only fear we can hear.
No light, our sight ain’t clear.

And we fear,  
 fear,
 fear
Life and light we cannot bear.

And you bear, dear, fear
In your cristal, icy tear.
And it’s clear, dear, tear
Cannot tear away the fear.

And don’t you bear fear, dear,
To embrace your falling tear,
Clear, dear, clear
Your mind and
Tear,
 tear,
 tear
Away the fear, fear, dear!

Never clear, never tear,
Was it all about the fear…